Ok, it's time to start the new chapter in my life.  The first chapter of my book.  This is the beginning of my writing life.

It's been almost a month since I moved into this apartment in Forest Hills.  I'm depressed.  I miss Kazumi alot, but I don't want to call her because I don't have the right to.  I pushed her away when she needed me the most and I did that because I really thought that she was not the right person for me.  But now I think she may be the only person for me.  I'm back where I was before I met here.  Back to being lonely.  She was somehow able to break through my shell.  Unfortunately, she only made a small hole large enough for her to get through and she ended up getting sucked into my shell, which made her feel suffocated.  For a relationship to work with me, I have to break out of my shell.  I was working on it when I was with Kazumi, but I never really succeeded in breaking out.  I need to make friends.  I should have worked harder to spend more time with Kazumi's friends, and invited her to go out with Blaise, his family, and Young and his family, my only close friends.  I also should have introduced her to Dipika and Akira.     The things we did together - going to Maine, Philadelphia, Atlantic City, Mexico, Montauk, Harriman State Park, Washington DC, - might have seemed boring to most people, but they were some of the best times of my adult life.  I loved driving on the highway with Kazumi sleeping next to me while we were driving someplace, or maybe driving home after a long trip.  What made me happier than anything was seeing Kazumi happy.  I loved it when I would ask her do to something and she would text back "yes!" with an exclamation.

About two weeks ago, Kazumi left a voice mail for me, saying she wanted to talk to me about something.  I called her back but she was out at a club or something because when she answered there was loud music in the background and she couldn't hear me.  She also didn't seem to know that I was calling, but I don't understand why, unless she deleted me from her address book and didn't recognize my number.  I wrote her an email saying that I tried calling her, but she never replied.  I wonder what she wanted to talk about.

Moving into new apartment today in Forest Hills.  Kind of depressing actually.  I feel like I'm going backwards in time.  Not getting ahead.  Apartment was in bad shape.  I had to change the door locks myself.  Air conditioner is broken.  Floors are dirty.  Stove burners are clogged.  Ugh.  What a nightmare.