I've started dating again. It's a little daunting looking at the long road ahead of me, but I definitely think it is for the better. I've met two people so far and I see potential in both, though this time I'm definitely going to be more careful about jumping into a relationship before I know somebody. The first girl was a Korean girl, a pastry chef at Mercer Kitchen, who was cute and we seemed to get along well. We went to Studio Square in Astoria, which wasn't that crowded when we first got there, so we were able to get seats, have beer and actually talk a little bit. We probably spent about 2 hours there just sitting and talking and learning about each other. I drove her home and we tentatively made plans to go out for dimsum sometime. My second date was last night. She was also from Astoria and we met at the Greek bakery Omonia for dessert and tea. She's vegetarian. She was also cute and very friendly. Maybe because she is a journalist, but somehow she was able to get me to talk alot. Usually I don't talk much on first dates. We seemed to get along really well. We actually had a great conversation about ideas, politics, religion and economics, and basically all of the kinds of conversations that I had not been having with Kazumi. After the date I actually felt inspired for the first time in a long time. If I were in a relationship with someone who actually enjoys discussing and debating ideas, I think I would be a lot more happy, and less inclined to become bored. When I become bored, I tend to focus on practical matters like shopping, work, personal finances, etc., but when I am inspired, many of those practical matters seem trivial and anything seems possible. Then I start reading (which I have been doing a lot of lately) and thinking about writing (which I have yet to do, but may do soon). I think the only time I ever had that feeling while I was with Kazumi was when I was considering taking the job in Singapore. At first she was supportive and we talked about starting a new life together abroad, which would have been exciting, but later she became disinterested and then outright dismissive whenever I considered going to Singapore. Whatever. It was probably too early in my career to move anyway, but I definitely want to be a relationship with someone like me who is interested in living in different parts of the world and just learning about the world.

Well, what made me consider these things in a little more depth today is that fact that Kazumi called me and left a voice mail while I was at work. We haven't talked in about a month. The last I heard from her was an e-mail saying that she had finally accepted our breakup and that she was ready to move on, and she asked that I not contact her anymore. So I didn't. Well she called me today and I have no idea why. She left a voice mail and just asked me to call her back when I get the message, but I don't like making personal calls from work so I decided that I would wait until I got home. Then I remembered that she has a blog that she keeps so I thought I could check that out to see if there is any clue why she called me today. There wasn't any indication of why she was calling. Her latest entries were just random posts with song lyrics that don't seem to apply to anything relating to me. Then I scrolled through one of her old posts and found that she has been totally ripping me apart and saying really mean things about me publicly on her blog, stuff that is very personal. She distorted stories into her own perverse fantasies. She was basically being her usual self that I couldn't stand when I broke up with her, throwing a temper tantrum and becoming extremely angry and lashing out at me. I guess that is how she gets over relationships and deals with stress. She has to put down other people to protect her own ego. She did the same thing to her ex-boyfriend prior to meeting me, and she probably did that to her ex-husband after her divorce. And it is also a big reason why I had to end our relationship. I just couldn't deal with her anger anymore. It's childish and even understandable, but I just didn't have the fortitude to tolerate it. Maybe someone else would. Probably someone who has a similary tempermentality, but that is definitely not me. I hope she finds someone else soon. She did say in her blog that she was snuggling with someone, though I don't know or care who. Anyway, the point is I don't think I'm going to call her back after reading the mean things she has been saying about me on her blog.