Welcome to my sad and beautiful life.

I often wonder why I live the kind of life that I do. I approach my life as an experiment in human experience - at least that's what I tell myself - whether or not it is true is not for me to decide. To probe the depths of loneliness, isolation, desperation, on my own, without help, without pity, without brining attention to myself, I live my life without social relationships of any kind. Any relationships I bear are of necessity. My relationship to my landlord, my relationship to my co-workers, my relationship with the female barber who cuts my hair every four weeks and asks me the same questions over and over again, either because she cannot remember my forgetful personality, or she cannot bear the oppressive cloud of silence - these are the contacts I maintain and even develop to progress the great experiment of my life. Therefore my relationship to myself is one of expediency, that is, I myself am the experimentor and the experimentee, a self-contained and self-learning machine that adapts to new circumstances, yet maintains a single constant.

Perhaps some would ask, why? Why waste your one and only life to a useless exercise, causing only pain and suffering to yourself? Use your life to bring joy to others and you will bring joy unto yourself! Savor the experience of being alive, for once you are dead for a thousand years, how precious would one second of life be to you? How much would you sacrifice for one, fleeting opportunity to run your feet through wet grass, to feel a warm wind upon your cheek, to swim in the ocean? But life is not about appreciating these miraculous opportunities which are now available to you at any moment. No, life is about developing and growing, and watching others grow and develop, and building lasting friendships and falling in love, and raising a family. These are the things that will give meaning to your life. Go out today, and meet people, garner relations

Don't waste your life in such a pitiful manner.