It was a long time coming, but it finally came and passed...hopefully. I am definitely sad and probably depressed about it, but the last 3 months with her have just been unbearable. The last post, when I said I just could not trust her anymore, involved a big fight when she had said she was going to meet with one of her girlfriends but instead met with one of her guy friends. She insisted that she was just meeting a guy friend and there was nothing to be worried about, but then why would it be necessary to lie about it? It took a long argument just to get her to admit that she had lied about it. Anyway, that episode made it apparent that she was capable of not only lying to me, but also to herself about what was plainly obvious. Normally, that would have been the end of it, but of course it wasn't. She refused to let me go, and I let her stay attached, though I was at this point less attached and quite willing if not wishing to be let go. That was also the last time I was jealous. Because you can't be jealous if you don't really care.

Over the next several months I grew apart from her. We appeared to still be a couple. We went out to dinner. We met with friends. We spent a lot of time together. We went on vacation together to Maine. She even moved her stuff into my apartment. But in my mind, we were never really the same after I realized that she could lie to me so easily. Of course we still fought. We actually fought more than usual. The last couple of fights I recall involve arguments about whether I believed that the Powerhouse building used to be tennis courts, that I didn't support her when she wanted to sue her dentist over a temporary filling that fell out, and that she was abandoning her best friend's wedding because of her own selfishness.

The final fight involved her screaming at me in the car because I wouldn't help her attach her ipod to my car radio while I we were driving to Williamsburg. When she started screaming, I could tell the evening was going to be unpleasant, so I decided I didn't want to go anymore. She became childish as she often does when she doesn't get what she wants and insisted that we still go. I said that she could go on her own, but I wasn't going to to. I was going home and that was it. As I was making the turn to return to my building, she actually grabbed the steering wheel and turned the car in the opposite direction. We almost crashed into a parked car. I hit the brake and let go of the clutch to force the car into a stall. Fortunately we didn't hit any pedestrians but there were plenty around, and now they were staring at us. I couldn't believe that she could be so irresponsible. I told her to get out of the car. She refused. I lost my temper and yelled at her, " Are you fucking crazy?!? Don't ever touch the steering wheel while I'm driving!" She tried to defend herself by saying that if I had only helped her attach her ipod she wouldn't have gotten so mad. I told her that was a stupid argument and let her think about it. It was the first time I had ever lost my temper with her and cursed, so I think she got the message that she had crossed the line. She sat and sulked in her seat while I drove home. Then she started crying and apologizing. I told her that was the last straw. I had had enough and wanted to be alone, but she refused to leave. She grabbed onto my bag and wouldn't let go. I ran into my building to get rid of her, but she wouldn't leave. I ran to my apartment door and tried to get inside before she could reach me, but she jammed her foot in the door and forced her way in. So I just dumped my stuff in the apartment and went downstairs to cool off. I spent about 15 minutes downstairs and came back to my apartment. She was sitting on the bed. I gave her a cold stare and told her in a stone voice "Get out of my apartment or I'm calling the police." She refused. I repeated it with a stronger voice, and she still refused. She said that she would leave only if I promised to talk to her on the phone that night. I said I would talk to her on the phone after she left. She did leave and called me later that night and I basically told her that it is over between us, that in my opinion she should seek professional help for her sudden bouts of anger, and that I would be here for her as a friend, but not as a boyfriend. She seemed to understand. But later that night, after I have gone to sleep, I wake up and notice a series of ranting text message and voice mails. It's her. "I'm going to Williamsburg anyway to meet my friends who I am sooooooo looking forward to seeing. You are a boring loser. I was bored because you are a boring loser. And an asshole. Bye asshole. You can leave my stuff with the doorman. I don't ever want to see you again." Ok, it's over. I'm sorry it had to end on that note, but at least it's over and we can both move on from this unhealthy relationship. I didn't hear from her the next few days.

Then she started calling me 100 times a day and leaving messages filling up my voicemail. She would say things like "Ignoring me isn't helping." She would come to my door and bang on it so hard with her cellphone that the entire floor could hear. She would sit outside my door for hours at a time while pushing handwritten notes under my door. It was frightening. I had a psychotic stalker on my hands. If I ran into her in the hallway, she would refuse to leave. She would try to push her way into my apartment and physically hang onto me until I pushed her away and ran. It was awful. It was apparent she was hurting and it was painful for me to see and to have to push her away but it wasn't healthy and I couldn't help her. One of the most painful moments was when I handed her the bag of her toiletries from my bathroom cabinet that she said I should leave with her doorman. She took the stuff out of the bag and placed it right back in the cabinet. I put the stuff back in the bag. She started crying and put the stuff back in the cabinet. I didn't have the heart to put them back in the bag, so I left them there. They are still there, along with her toothbrush. I even let her stay over when she refused to leave because I just couldn't bear to push her away and see her cry anymore. I didn't push her out of my apartment, but I made it clear that I wanted her to leave. She finally got the message and left, but not before extracting a promise from me that I would meet with her again at a later time. To her credit, she also did seek professional help and she started taking medication that calmed her down. I agreed to meet with her one last time. We had a long conversation and she seemed to understand that our relationship was over, but she would still say things as though everything were normal like, "Ok so can we go camping this weekend?". It was a slow process but I convinced her that we should spend time apart. She couldn't deal with an indefinite time apart, so I had to promise that I would contact her in 6 days. It's been 5 days so far. I hope by the 6th day, she will realize that it is time to move on. That life is too short to waste on failed relationships. That we are too incompatible for each other, but that she will find someone that is perfect for her eventually, but it takes time and patience.